Love is not to obsess or to worship. The last one, better be done on the church

A friend randomly suggested me to update this. Been having no idea plus no time plus no proper wifi conn to write since the last few months.

Quick glance over myself right now : 22 already, am about to start 2nd trimester of master next week, and still (since infinity), no sign of success on diet. Blah. The word just hangs on the tongue without any realization.

There were gah-zillion conversations about love that I engaged in the past couple months. Need to highlight some of them. Both as quick reminder for myself and also a gentle slap on your face : Have you really been in the right relationship?

(read it on someone's Path post couple months ago) Forgot the whole part, but one of it says "I'm in love with you because I'm not obsessed with you." which is really, really interesting for me. Girls often mistaken obsession or for love ."Oh my goodness I love Justin! I love err-whoever-it-is-one-of-those-pretty-looking-lads! I love Harry!" (personally I love the Potter much more than the Styles, even though he's friggin fictive) anyway my point is, now look at yourself, ladies.
If you :
- think that your man has no flaws, no wrongs, anything.
- believe every single thing he said as if it were what the Bible said.
- call him more often than you sneeze in a day.
- fight damn hard to be close to him no matter how hard he tries to pull away.
... better start questioning then. Love doesn't mean keeping him all and whole only for yourself. It's not the same as worshipping, it's the thing you do in church/mosque/such. Seriously.

And another one. A friend rephrased a quote from This Means War (CMIIW, I haven't watched that as well) that was something like "When you have to choose between two, don't choose the one who just treats you better. Be with someone who makes you a better person." Meaning, if he treats you good doesn't mean that he's good for you. Are you still the same whiny, childish, selfish, pessimistic little lady just like before you met him? Then there's no point of you being with him. You don't just date him then walk together through the aisle to the altar. You walk together through each day, through each rough path and stony street. Will you make it all without you guys trying to improve each other and support each other's back?

You can listen to this, you can not. I'm not a love doctor, hell crap my love life might be even more futureless than yours. I might need more help than you do. I'm just saying things I wish I could do to fix my life, while hoping that it might help fixing yours at the same time.


P.S. : here goes my shuffled playlist while typing this
The Script - Six Degrees of Separation
Lana Del Rey - This Is What Makes Us Girls
Rihanna - Love Without Tragedy- Mother Mary
Afrojack - Montreal
Jordin Sparks ft Chris Brown - No Air
Sinik ft James Blunt - Je Réalise
Asobi Seksu - Urusai Tori (acoustic)

I even have to struggle to snuggle

(#listening Maroon 5 - Daylight)

And the daylight is coming in a couple hours. Psychic iTunes.

Anyways, there's this one word that just came across my head and made me think like, that's it.
Struggle.

My recent life is all about struggling and fighting. If I may give some explanations :
- being an business student (while I was born to be world's #1 hater of numbers and econs)
- trying to lose weight, lots of it (I gained approx. 20 kilos during undergrad study, no exaggeration)
- have to stay at home, can only get out with parents or such (everyone knows I can't sit still, or maybe I can, in my sleep)
- trying to catch up with statistics accounting and such while trying not to forget my German after I stopped using it regularly (I'd be very thankful if you know a native German to be my sparring partner, PS : better if he's a HE who still likes a SHE, and good looking)

(#shuffled Daft Punk feat. Pharrell Williams - Get Lucky)

- still not knowing what I'll do for the future (corporate worker vs entrepreneur, given the fact that I don't even know what the heck I'm doing in a biz school)
- get rid of this laziness/labilness/little-sulky-kid-ness and grow up a little bit instead (that explains much already)
- fixing my sleep time (start to become more and more Batman-spirited and Panda-eyed at once)

(#next Take That - Back For Good)

- critical financial state (am currently earning nothing while I actually have a long bucket list, which includes getting financial stability)
- (still strongly related to above) stop buying online without thinking twice
- getting trust from Dad to drive by myself (I'm becoming 22 this June, DUH)
- come up with any improvement for this blog (I just glanced over my own posts and thought, nyet napa keliatannya gw galau bener.......)
- keeping myself sane (in the middle of school and stuffs)
- HOW TO BANISH THESE GIANT PIMPLES ON MY FACE??? (screw hormones)

(#now Justin Timberlake feat. Jay Z - Suit and Tie)

There's one other important point that I can't just disclose here.
And to close all those, I can't even shift to bed swiftly like other normal people. It takes double, triple, multiple effort for me to just close these tiny creaseless lids.

(#LastOneIPromiseYou Sting - Englishman in New York)

Well, that makes some additions to the list above : Find a cure for all those, either a what or a who.
(Deep down, I wish it's a who, if you got what I mean)


Kisses,
Legal alien (I'm a legal alien, woo oohh!)
(Man I love it when Isa Raja sang this song)

Vertical headline

I got stranded up between the clouds

Amazing view no one can describe with words
Mesmerizing, shining like some barricade of swords

Some people stay for way too long
Can't go on, can't see that it's wrong
And I surely don't wanna be one
Reach higher to the sun, that's what to be done
Eventually I see my loves holding me down
Do they also have to mourn?

(January 5th 2012, 3.14 AM
One of those insomniac nights when I overthought everything)

booooooring, tee-hee!

doing randomness between assignment deadlines is my guilty pleasure. those randomnesses include sleeping, magazine digesting, munching, stalking (yea yea), blogwalking etc.


am currently blogwalking through friends' blogs, opened their friends' link, go further to their other friends', and so on until I barely knew the owner of those blogs. I found this on one of those blogs. I wanted to put the hyperlink here (avoiding plagiarism issue, I might say) but thanks to my slip fingers, I closed the window before copying the link. zzz. and I didn't pay attention to the name, so it's a waste to flip through history tabs. zzzzhhhh


well then, the rule is simple. BOLD what applies to you:

01. You’re currently confused about someone’s feelings for you. (oh, this point came first. okay.....)
02. You have been in a serious relationship before.
03. You own an iPod of some sort.
04. You do not like your sibling’s girlfriend/boyfriend.
05. You drink too much alcohol.
06. You have been to the Olive Garden.
07. You have taken medicine of some sort this week.
08. It is really cold in your house right now.
09. You are extremely dependent on others.
10. You do not like to express your feelings in front of others.
11. You ate a lot of food today.
12. It doesn’t take much for you to cry.
13. People consider you as a happy sort of person.
14. Someone in your family is rich.
15. You have been to Disney World or Disneyland before.
16. You hate when people constantly talk about themselves.
17. You are a good listener, but you hate complainers.
18. Someone has called you for a serious medical emergency before.
19. You have had a serious surgery.
20. Your house has a spare bedroom.
21. Your house is old.
22. You have at least one cousin under the age of three.
23. You have never held a baby before.
24. You can’t handle toddlers.
25. You have a painting in your room.
26. You have been to Canada.
27. You have been to Mexico.
28. You love cherry flavored lollipops.
29. You celebrate Easter.
30. You observe Lent.
31. You are Catholic.
32. You do not believe in God.
33. Religion is not important to you.
34. You want to have a small family one day.
35. You would rather have more sons than daughters.
36. You have more aunts than uncles.
37. You hate being too cold.
38. You currently are way tanner than everyone else.
39. You wear shoes in your house.
40. Your parents are clean freaks.
41. You are more messy than clean.
42. You are currently angry at someone.
43. Patience is so not a virtue to you.
44. Your desk is extremely clean.
45. Your bed sheets are either blue, green, black, or white.
46. When you hear “black & white” it reminds you of Katy Perry’s ‘Hot n Cold’ song.
47. You have no clue what that song is.
48. You think rap artists are completely pathetic.
49. You are glad George Bush is out of office.
50. Politics are boring to you.
51. You take a vitamin daily.
52. You feel like you are sick often.
53. You hate throwing up.
54. You think it’s gross when people set food down on their desk at school with no napkin.
55. You also find it gross that people sit on top of desks.
56. You are now cringing at the thought of someone’s food where someone’s ass was.
57. You love getting bubble baths.
58. You do not like chocolate at all.
59. You are allergic to nuts.
60. You have been stung by a bee before.
61. You have been to the emergency room before for something.
62. One of your parents is 50 or older.
63. You are the baby of your immediate family.
64. You hate broccoli. (very much)
65. Cooked carrots are good, though.
66. You go on tumblr too much.
67. You are really comfortable right now.
68. You like witty t-shirts.
69. You are a major fan of underground bands.
70. You have been on an airplane before.
71. You are not afraid of heights.
72. You consider yourself paranoid. (insecure, more precise)
73. You have had a panic attack before. (yes, big huge YES)
74. The thought of being old and alone bothers you.
75. You would choose the elderly over children.
76. You feel like you’re living in the wrong decade.
77. You like the color green.
78. You think it’s way too cold outside right now.
79. You love the thought of sleeping in tomorrow morning.
80. You would rather go to bed early and get up early.
81. You feel like the early bird catches the worm.
82. You are a big breakfast eater.
83. You are currently suffering from the common cold.
84. You are craving something salty.
85. You have been in a car today.
86. There is something plugged in near you.
87. You have heard of the TV show “Private Practice.”
88. You do not like medical television shows.
89. You prefer horror to comedies.
90. You adore Leo & Kate.
91. You think high-waisted pants look good.
92. You hate cheesy movies.
93. You enjoy camping out.
94. Bugs bother you.
95. You do well in school without trying.
96. You are extremely jealous of someone currently.
97. You feel like you have changed a lot from 08-09.
98. You like energy drinks.
99. You like italics.
100. You know the entire script of Mean Girls.


the conclusion is... well. apaan ya?
I bolded like around 30% of them, which means : my current conditions are quite clichée, or?

fable, fact, or f*ckin' nothing

The cast

One bulky sparrow that always dreamed to be a dove. Why? A dove was always destined to have at least one lover in life.

One eagle, brokenhearted by a playa parakeet in the past, looked for a lifetime soul mate, yet it ended up befriending the sparrow because of one similarity : They were both longing for something far from reality.

The story

Briefly said, they met, they became friends. The sparrow whined about its "sparrow-ness". "Why was I born a sparrow?" "Why nobody ever comes to me?" "Why am I black? I want white, as doves!". Meanwhile, the eagle whined about the parakeet. "Why did it leave me?" "Did I do something wrong?" "Why had I fallen for a parakeet at the first place? I'm an eagle, why should I crave for something that weak?". Sometimes they made fun of each other with those pathetic thoughts. Most of the times, they still supported each other through the hard times though. That made them closer to each other.

The problem is...

The sparrow started to change its mind. "I don't have to be a dove to have a mate. I already have eagle. No matter what we exactly are, friends, lovers, or nothing, I'm happy that I know such a nice bird like it." But sparrow couldn't lie, birds would never be able to. Between the three bolded choices it had mentioned above, it preferred the second one. So the problem is : Did the eagle feel the same way too?

The inspiration

one midnight rambling that came up to my mind while listening to John Mayer

march-ing on, drumrolls please...

in the mood for forgetting assignments/tasks/tests/to-do notes/blahblah shite, throwing away books, dictionaries, papers and stuffs, then...

BERMALAS - MALASAN SAMPAI PUAS

sharing out my lazy theme songs (picked up 25 songs from 25 artists A-Z from my Recently Played tab. just another random act) :

A Day To Remember - You Had Me At Hello

Bright Eyes - Singularity

Corinne Bailey Rae - Closer

David Guetta feat Michelle Belle - Read Your Mind

Eliza Doolittle - Mr. Medicine

Flight Facilities - Splendour In The Grass

Green Day - Cigarettes and Valentines

Homogenic - Happy Without You

Ingrid Michaelson - Parachute

Jonquil - Fighting Smiles

Keren Ann - My Name Is Trouble

Lenka - Heart Skips A Beat

Martin Solveig & Dragonette - Boys & Girls

New Boyz feat Cataracs & The Dev - Back Seat

Olly Murs - Please Don't Let Me Go

Plan B feat Giggs - She Said

Queensberry - Hello

Rachel Yamagata - Worn Me Down

Sondre Lerche - Like Lazenby

The Strokes - Under Cover of Darkness

Uffie feat Pharrell Williams - ADD SUV

Victor Magan - Love Is A Gamble

White Lies - Bigger Than Us

X... can't find anything beside XPDC. nyieh -____-

You Me At Six feat. Chiddy Bang - Rescue Me

Zac Brown Band - Cold Weather

okay done with randomness. shud get back to work asap. emaaakkk... *mijetin leher pegel minta ampun*

like, seriously, errr, really? this is so nyampah

just wanna share this :

and this :

I'm currently buffering for those both while having this continuous headache. thanks to this essay assignment. some of you might have seen me tweeting about it in the past several hours. one small part of me feels like exploding soon. another part reminds me to keep my head chilled and take a brief rest. another yells at me "why the hell you opened that video? and now you're BLOGGING? hell. what's with you?" oh yes, good question.

I think I can make something out of it.

the book 24 Wajah Billy suddenly popped up. just few seconds ago. then I came up with this :

11 Faces of Me : Pergolakan Hati Melawan SA

(Why 11? I can't think of another 13 ideas, besides I'm too lazy to think that much)

geeky me : (talking about assignment) "So, I guess it's people's right to choose whether they want to be religious or not. Not going to church on Sundays doesn't mean you're a criminal or what, right? So the gov should give us freedom to..."

whiny me : "Hey geeky can you please STOP? Fark it should we do this every week? May I enjoy my weekend in peace, s'il te plait? I already had enough German words to kill me by now. AARRGGHH!!!!!"

wise me : "Whiny don't you remember, who forced you to choose German at the first place? No one, as far as I could remember. So stop whining, just finish it with all of your effort. When you graduate you'll find all these very useful, trust me kiddo."

selfish me : "Well I'm not blaming my choice here. I just want to enjoy my weekend! I'm tired, I'm acutely insomniac, I've got other important things to do beside this shite. All I want is my regular weekend, coffee on Saturday, eat out with family, random blog surfing, anything. I don't care if it's useless. It's me, I don't care what others might say."

shopaholic me : "And don't forget shopping! Remember what mom said this morning? She wanted to fetch that discount on Harvey Nics. NAH! Grab the chance lah."

hedon / fatty me : "Then dinner at Social House! I want some steak. Oh, and a glass of red wine would be nice too. Then Crystal Jade bread for next morning's breakfast. Oh, also Red Mango for dessert. Strawberry sounds delicious. Emmm what else..."

ignorant me : "Geez you thought a lot. Don't you feel any headache, having THAT much thoughts spinning in you? Forget it lah. Relax."

cool me : "Yeah dude. Relax, will you? Know what, I'm thinking about going out somewhere right now. Maybe 7/11? I need something fresh, like Blueberry Slurpee. And some beer. And cigs. Black Menthol. I need those like a lot."

paranoid me : "Oh my God, cigs? Don't! You don't try that, NEVER. It's not good for your health. You want to die young, lady? And beers? You forgot your tummy probs? And look at your big tummy! You don't want it to be any bigger."

pelit me : "Yes I'm with you paranoid. Besides, you know how much a Slurpee costs? A pack of cigs? A bottle of Hein? You said you want to save some money for your next trip, I'm pretty sure. So instead of those, why don't you just get some Fruit Tea in fridge? Or make coffee. It's FREE baby."

labil me : "Ah don't be such a pain in the ass deh you pelit. I only want some drink kali, not that expensive kan. You can ask dad for some cash. Eh, but if I drink soda I'll get fattier dong? Ah no deh! I go with you deh pelit. Eh, eh but Fruit Tea is also full of sugar yes? Ah same dong, also makes me fat. Then what should I drink dong? Aer putih doang? Lazy ah!"

after typing that last line barulah gw mikir:

TERUS KAPAN GW BIKIN TUGASNYA KOK MALAH NGEBLOG?

aduh

random

maaf

pusing kebanyakan mikir

dan ngomong2, dialog diatas semua fiktif kok

big 3 on christmas wishlist, counting down

3. Kate Spade's / Olympia Le-Tan's Book Clutch

"The Great Gatsby" & "Great Expectations" by Kate Spade

spotted : Natalie Portman @ Premiere "Black Swan", clutching "Lolita" by Olympia Le-Tan

2. iPod Touch 4th gen

1. GOOD GPA FOR THIS SEMESTER. make this bold and HUGE

... and also a strong-motivated mind for the next semester. that's simply the one thing I need the most for now

and by the way, MERRY CHRISTMAS! Santa loves you all people :*

(All images were taken from Google)

about the Laos match

dear Indonesia,

It's Saturday already. The big game is about to start in few hours.

I beg you, please don't lose the match. please, in the name of every living things on earth...

... because I planned to wear my Indonesian jersey to campus next Monday.

I beg you Meneer Bachdim, Señor Gonzales, Bang BP, or anyone, don't make me ashamed.

xoxo

ME.

scissors and white pencil, let your brain and hand do the rest

after this impulsive project :

(before)

(after)

I was just done with another one, upon my sister's request.

this time I attached the step-by-step picts, feel free to make it yourself :)

1. mark the parts that you want to cut, use either white pencil or tip-ex.

(the last one isn't quite recommended. I did it to my tee and the tip-ex couldn't be washed like, at all)

2. use some needles if you'd like to. then start cutting those marks

and this is the final result, voilá!

try it yourself, much more fun than it might appear.

FYI, I only spent IDR 30.000 for the tee. you can also use an old shirt, in case you need to cut out some expenses.

good luck!

myTunes 11.0

"Do you ever feel already buried deep?

6 feet under screams but no one seems to hear a thing

Do you know that there's still a chance for you

'Cause there's a spark in you

You just gotta ignite the light and make it shine

Just own the night like the 4th of July..."

(Katy Perry - Firework)

"There aren't many more ways

In words that I can say

So I'll just say it numerically

From my heart to you 143..."

(Musiq Soulchild - 143)

"My baby I love you so

It's forever you and I

I love you, oh I love you so

It's forever you and I..."

(Wilber Pan - Bu De Bu Ai)

"Why can't he give her his love, no more again?

Tears on her face and the dove, she cries, she knows...

She won't be able to fly away from him

She looks at red roses in spring

Now she won't be able to sing the song of love ..."

(Moony - Dove (I'll Be Loving You))

"I feel the sun creepin' up like tick tock

I'm trying to keep you in my head

But if not

We'll just keep running from tomorrow

With our lips locked

Yeah you've got me begging, begging

Baby please don't go ..."

(Mike Posner - Please Don't Go)

"I wanna breeze and an opened mind

I wanna swim in the ocean

Wanna take my time for me

All me ...

So maybe tomorrow

I'll find my way home ..."

(Stereophonics - Maybe Tomorrow)

"Sometimes I wanna give you all the love that I have

"Cause when you smile it seems all problems are vanished to the sky

Oh I was thinking, why I need you more?

Why I need you more?"

(Risin Black Hole - Think Of Love)

" Yeah I've been gone for so long

But did you miss me, home all by yourself?

Could you wait to kiss me

Or did you find somebody else?

When you got lonely

Was I always on your mind?

Still the one and only ..."

(Tortured Soul - Did You Miss Me)

"But I've got this thing

Girl I wanted to say to you

Talullah, I'm still missing you

Baby can't you stop that plane, turn it around

I still love you babe

Tell the captain that I'm to blame

I'm to blame ..."

(Jamiroquai - Talullah)

"Our love was lost

But now we found it

And if you flash your heart, your heart

I won't deny it

I promise ..."

(The Temper Trap - Love Lost)

"Who cares if you disagree?

You are not me

Who made you king of anything?

So you dare tell me who to be

Who died and make you king of anything?"

(Sara Bareilles - King Of Anything)

"Qui dit proches te dis deuils car les problemès ne viennent pas seul

Qui dit crise te dit monde, dit famine dit tiers-monde

Qui dit fatigue dir réveille encore sourd de la veille

Alors on sort pour oublier tous les problemès

Alors on danse..."

(Stromae - Alors On Danse)

"She's all laid up in bed with a broken heart

While I'm drinking Jack all alone in my local bar

And we don't know how

How we got into this mad situation

Only doing things out frustration

Trying to make it work

But man these times are hard ..."

(The Script - For The First Time)

"Son las cinco de la mañana

Y no puedo dormir

No mas pensando en como estar junto a ti

Me siento inutil sin ti

No se que voy hacer si no estás aqui ...

Amor, no es amor

Es una ilusión, tan llena de dolor ..."

(Frankie J - Obsession Spanish Version)

"There's this girl

The one and only wonder of this world

And it don't matter if the road gets rough

If me rich or poor

She stay down with me if me go to war..."

(Laza Morgan - This Girl)

(Mom & Dad's room, 2.36 AM, almost finish my paper for tomorrow's presentation and am about to explode in any second)

when an ultimate procrastinator is speaking...

so, here's the situation :

it was 12.21 AM when I started typing this. I was currently working on an assignment, approx. 250 words (yea yea 250 words sound easy, but seriously, it would just be easier if NOT IN GERMAN).

I already have all these cursing words on the top of my lips. but later on I thought : "You're majoring German Lit. What does a lit student do? Read a lot, write a lot, speak a lot. So who's to blame? No one but YOU, for choosing lit at the first place." so that was all, tried to stop being lil miss grumpy.

but still, only motivation was NOT enough. couldn't find any idea even for the first paragraph, then ended up stumbling upon random blogs. mostly belongs to my friends, the others to fashion bloggers and a friend of my friend, and even someone I don't know at all (that's why I call it random).

those fashion blogs, surely they were all about looks and labels. just something I need to refresh these eyes. the others', mostly I saw daily experiences, personal thoughts, weird stuffs, or any random infos they felt like sharing.

and you know what subject I found like, almost in all blogs?

LOVE, more specific, BROKEN HEARTS.

cliché, but hey, I also have that one phrase in one of my life chapters. so I don't have to feel guilty being so galau or labil, or should I?

you see, people around my age blogged and typed about love life. about someone they had a crush on, how they fell in love each other and started going out together as a real-deal couple, the sweet memories, their anniversaries, then came the bitter parts, and finally... the break-up. the whole pattern just won't change.

now you see mine, I rarely type about love. simply because nothing happens. love department is now totally vacant, no activities, no business, no CEO. it's just... well, nothing describes it better than empty.

sometimes I miss that old sweet feeling, like having butterflies down there in your tummy. (sure I do, don't you think I'll always be that happy-go-lucky person you see. I might be even softer than clouds in my galau times, blah)

but mostly I heard stories like these :

"BT ah, lagi berantem. Cowok gw lagi ngambek."

"Gw sebel apaan tuh dia wall2an sama cewek pake kangen2an, ini daritadi gw BBM aja gak dibales2."

"Duh laper sih, tapi gw gak makan deh. Lagi ngirit, mau nabung beli kado buat cowok gw."

"Aaahh gw kangen cowok gw... Kenapa mesti LDR sih sucks banget ah"

"Gw bosen pengen putus, tapi dianya ngotot gamau. Mesti gw gimanain nih?"

yea those were the devastating side of being in a relationship. but you can't have love without leaving them, it's a package deal.

and I miss the word love, complete with all the side dish and complimentaries.

what I really mean is : I miss having someone who texted and call me every night, someone I could call sayang or babe or what, someone I could miss, someone I could think of, someone to accompany me on my gabut weekends, someone I could take care of.

and I even miss the fights, all those unimportant small fights just because he didn't reply my message, he talked a lot about another girl, he came too late whenever we had an appointment, and so on and so on. sounds total silly, but I can't just pretend that I'm strong and say out loud : "Hey I'm single and don't need any man, never!" no, that's not me. at all.

fine. been so long since the last time I was deeply in love. been not too long since the last time I thought about someone else. and another "someone else", and other one, and other one.

so what am I doing now? 

I'm waiting.

most people said : "You've been single since last year, for God's sake. Why should you wait any longer? Now you go grab someone new and say that you love him!"

well, here's my analogy :

imagine you're eating in a fancy French resto. you order a steak, and the waiter asks you to wait. you have to wait soooo very much super long time, but as the steak is done, all the waiting worths it. the chef just needed more time to cook your steak and make it flawless and good.

now you apply it in my case. I make myself believe that the longer I wait, the better man I will get. maybe now he's still on progress, God's still fixing up some things in him. but as soon as he's fixed, he'll come to me on a day I never expected and I'll see him on all his perfection. ta-daahhh, love's in the air again.

got it?

so, if you are single, desperately wants a lover, and you just read this, lemme tell you :

"A perfect lover for you is on the making. All you have to do is being patient. Sit down, relax, and wait until the time comes."

for now, I'll just keep my love for myself, friends, broadcasting life, Manchester United, and also my university life. included my unfinished essay.

SHOOT. SHOOT. SHOOT

setelah 8 bulan tumbuh liar

BEFORE

panjang sepunggung, tanpa model. tebal mengembang, poni panjang hasil trauma potong rambut

... and

AFTER

so what do you think people?

me love the new one, how boutchu?