I sacrificed like zillions of things for this, but now?

most of my mates have dreamed about going to fine universities and getting the major they craved for since loonng ago. the planning, the struggling, and then wham! the result came straight forward : a "Congratulation!" or a "Sorry, please try again."

my story comes up like this. I dreamed about one specific job. a job that would let me travel around the world, meet and talk to people from everywhere. sounds like a job that people like me would kill for. that was why I chose to enroll at my high school, because the language class there is always the best in Jakarta (and even in Indonesia, if I got it right). then the whole plot flowed quite smoothly : I made it there. though later on it became more and more horrible each day. due to my dislikes to pure literature, and also dad's dislikes to my choice. at first I didn't listen to him at all. I thought : I know what I want. I have such a strong will on this and I'll show him I can make it. again, I had achieved more that I expected from myself. yet in my dad's eyes it was still not enough. until now I feel like I always fail to make him proud. until now.

well, however. at the near end of my 3rd high school year, I was still going for that one major I craved. dad was absolutely against it, because of some reasons that I can't elaborate here. too private. okay fine, I switched to plan B. I intended to take another major that is still closely related to my interest in fashion and also to my dad's wish that his children would carry on his business. so voilá, I thought this would please him. the fact? no, he detested my second choice worse that the previous one. then again, I swallowed all my disappointments and thought about another option.

third trial. I love foreign languages, so I decided to make them my future source of life. as I'd predicted before, dad still said no. but this time I'd already given in far too much. I wouldn't give up my passion anymore, so I carried on with my stubbornness and chose my third option, my current major now. so that was how I got here at the first place.

first year went veeerrryyy smoothly. no need further elaboration. then the second year...... BHAM! felt like, as if all the things I used to fight for were becoming nothing, useless. I used to love sitting in class, listening to any new subjects flowing into my ears and brain cells. well, though I spent some times sleeping on my seat. but lately my time table in class turns into this : 70% daydreaming, 20% sleeping, and 10% studying. seriously. no exaggeration. my GPA keeps on decreasing each term and I paid less and less attention on it. I found other interests that took my mind away from my main duty : concentrate on my major. now that I find these new interests more advantageous and interesting, I start to feel afraid. what I'm about to do with my whole life? what will I do for living in the future?

sheesh. I don't even know how to face tomorrow's mid test. then why bother to think about final tests, future job, my real passion, etc etc? or if I have to rephrase : lo belajar buat UTS aja enggak niat yuk gimana mau mikirin kerja deh? bisa lulus ini matkul aja udah syukur banget woy.

sorry for randomly rambling anyway.