there's nothing simple when I'm not around you, but I miss you when you're gone

... yes, I truly do.

sort of regret the fact that I couldn't manage to watch them live. they're like, too legendary you won't know whether they'll come here again or not. they're included in my "1000 things to see before I die" list. yet, I didn't come, for some reasons, after such conscious consideration.

but thank God they had that live streaming thingy, so I could see Dolores O'Riordan's weird dance moves, the way she sat down after singing Linger, and so on and so on. dear technology, you don't know how much I love you. would you be my boyfriend, maybe? #yakali

Last last last last Monday Night

punchline #1

Rissa : (looking at the menu) "Hmm... Mbak? .... Lagi apa?"

punchline #2

Fira : "Mas mau pesen ORANGE NIPIS." (instead of jeruk nipis, or lime, or something)

punchline #3

Fira : (to the waiter, dengan nada super unyu 2011, bibir manyun remaja masa kini) "Maasss, punya aku manaaaa?"

punchline #4

(looking together at this cheese sausage)

"KOK KAYAK PALA K***** YA???"

(hint : that sensitive, private part dangling between guy's legs)

punchline #5

(on the way back to kost, inside the taxi, stuck on a minor traffic jam. saw a giant tractor crossing the street)

Caca : "Itu apaan dah ijo-ijo gede, kayak Godjali."

Me : "Hah? Godjali?"

Caca : "Eh maksud gw GODZILLA!"

Taxi Driver : (langsung ngumpetin muka, keliatan banget pengen ngakak tapi diempet)

well, those were my "unique" kost mates. ehm, not really sure if the word "unique" suits them right, actually.

quoting Catatan Harian Si Boy (not exactly the same, I typed as precise as I could remember) :

"Keluarga kita semua itu disfungsional. Karena itulah ada temen, mereka itu keluarga yang lo pilih sendiri."

(sumpah ini asal, pokoknya kira2 intinya begitu lah)

so, I don't really care about the fact that all of them are totally dysfunctional. I chose them, and I'm quite pleased to have all of them, those dysfunctional-in-a-good-way mates.

oh man sometimes I just don't understand, how could these moronic clowns be gathered, and why? man oh man

I call this, kebetulan yang salah

on the way to kost, then realized that my keys were left home. thank God I had my duplicates. I found them inside my bag, but there was only one key, when that was supposed to be two (from now on I'll call the first key, the one that I had as "kunci kamar" and the second one, which was gone, as "kunci gembok").

so I whatsapped my kost mates, in case one of them had my kunci gembok.

Me : "Ris kunci kamar gw di lo gak?"

Rissa : "Hah enggak, di Dea kayaknya. Atogak di Fira. Yang jelas gak di gw."

I called Fira, no answer. Dea, again. no answer. this is the point where I started to turn panic. then :

Rissa : "Fira gw BBM katanya dia gak megang yuk."

Me : "Mm. Yaudah gw nebeng kamar lo dulu deh ya."

Rissa saved my ass. there was nobody else in kost, so I'd be sleeping in front of my door right now if she were not around.

hours later, Dea texted me. turned out that her whatsapp was not in online mode.

Dea : "Yuk, di kosan gak?"

Me : "Iya. Eh de kunci gembok gw di kamar lo gak? Kunci gw ketinggalan, serep gw cuma ada yang kunci kamar."

Dea : "Iya ada di kamar gw kok. Bentar lagi gw pulang kos tungguin ya. Gapapa kan maleman?"

Me : "HALLELUYA! Gapapa banget de, yang penting ada."

but minutes later.....

Dea : "Yuk, KUNCI GW JUGA KETINGGALAN!"

let's just hashtag this one, #eaaa

Jeffrey Campbell X Stolen Girlfriends Club

an exquisite mash-up between my all time shoegasmic brand Jeffrey Campbell and NZ's Stolen Girllfriends Club. enough said, the collab is stealing girls' hearts with the detail plays, well-precised, unique in quite a simple way, and most important : pretty versatile. basic pieces with attitude.

the main piece of the whole set was named "Emma" boots, the ones featured in all photos above. looked like cowboy vest/ royal clown in monochromatic/ moroccan tapestry at the first sight, if you ask me what I was thinking. but the point is : JC never fails me. you don't know how much I adore them.

human, not a puppet

so, instead of doing my real obligations (googling about online marketing, learn more about Indonesian kain, some other else, many other else), I end up reading the latest bday wishes I received several days ago.

those were from my announcer buddies, who somehow threw out some kind of late surprise and gave me this one awesome artwork. gonna post the picture later, after I snap it with at least a high-res camera. anyway, this artwork contains all their bday wishes. I read them one by one : 12 people, 12+12+xxx wish, and 12+12+12+12+infinity words that made me smile like half-idiot-half-pervert.

and here's the main point of this post : 2 or 3 of them (who clearly understood almost all of my current life stories, and exactly knew that I had one specific prob bugging my head for months) hoped that this crap-coated prob would end soon (yea of course, positive wishes). they said quite like this : don't let anyone hang you on his/her strings. go find your escape.

I instantly imagined myself, tied up with such invisible handcuffs, connected to some slender sticks by thick transparent strings. exactly like marionette, or those wayang puppets my dad used to watch. later on this one person came, took the sticks, then moved me felinely according to his mood swifts (let's just assume that this person is a he, before you readers begin to confuse with the term he/she, him/her, whatever). to sum it up : he controlled me. he hung me right under his hands.

along these previous months, I've been through a long cycle of escaping, getting caught back, escaping again, getting caught again, then it went on and on and ooonnn. I often said to myself : don't let him screw you. take control over your OWN life, you brainless girl. but the fact is : it's not that easy.

done with my shameful narration. what I'm trying to say is, it shouldn't be that way. we're born as human, with complicated brain parts, millions cells of neural system, whatsoever, so that we can think for ourselves. you have the right to do any move you want for life, instead of letting someone else doing the job. freedom, that's the keyword. it's something too precious to be given to someone unworthy (just like what I almost done).

never ever hang your life under someone else's will. in my case, I let destiny (and my baseless presumptions) control my every single move. I was hanging my life under the hands of Mr. Uncertainty. what a double combo I got there :

1. I lost control of my own self.

2. I handed over that control to something uncertain.

well then. I just can hope that this massive galauful case won't happen to other people (maybe any of you). just take me as a pitiful lesson.

"Just a puppet on a lonely string,

Oh who would ever want to be king?"

(Coldplay - Viva La Vida)

blessed

frankly speaking, this was not a pleasant day. yet as far as I could remember, it was one of the most memorable ones. I don't know what else to say, just... THANKS!

for everyone who found their name above, once again : thanks! for those who are not there, you know what, you might mean much much more. it's just too corny if I printed out all of those, isn't it?

I'm not that type of person who gives out way too many "I love you!" "I love you guys!" or whatsoever so easily. I won't say it out loud , but you should know : all people I know in my life, each person has at least one strong touch to shape me. so how I am today, how I behave today, how I think today, I can't be one without all of you.