those were from my announcer buddies, who somehow threw out some kind of late surprise and gave me this one awesome artwork. gonna post the picture later, after I snap it with at least a high-res camera. anyway, this artwork contains all their bday wishes. I read them one by one : 12 people, 12+12+xxx wish, and 12+12+12+12+infinity words that made me smile like half-idiot-half-pervert.
and here's the main point of this post : 2 or 3 of them (who clearly understood almost all of my current life stories, and exactly knew that I had one specific prob bugging my head for months) hoped that this crap-coated prob would end soon (yea of course, positive wishes). they said quite like this : don't let anyone hang you on his/her strings. go find your escape.
I instantly imagined myself, tied up with such invisible handcuffs, connected to some slender sticks by thick transparent strings. exactly like marionette, or those wayang puppets my dad used to watch. later on this one person came, took the sticks, then moved me felinely according to his mood swifts (let's just assume that this person is a he, before you readers begin to confuse with the term he/she, him/her, whatever). to sum it up : he controlled me. he hung me right under his hands.
along these previous months, I've been through a long cycle of escaping, getting caught back, escaping again, getting caught again, then it went on and on and ooonnn. I often said to myself : don't let him screw you. take control over your OWN life, you brainless girl. but the fact is : it's not that easy.
done with my shameful narration. what I'm trying to say is, it shouldn't be that way. we're born as human, with complicated brain parts, millions cells of neural system, whatsoever, so that we can think for ourselves. you have the right to do any move you want for life, instead of letting someone else doing the job. freedom, that's the keyword. it's something too precious to be given to someone unworthy (just like what I almost done).
never ever hang your life under someone else's will. in my case, I let destiny (and my baseless presumptions) control my every single move. I was hanging my life under the hands of Mr. Uncertainty. what a double combo I got there :
1. I lost control of my own self.
2. I handed over that control to something uncertain.
well then. I just can hope that this massive galauful case won't happen to other people (maybe any of you). just take me as a pitiful lesson.
"Just a puppet on a lonely string,
Oh who would ever want to be king?"
(Coldplay - Viva La Vida)
No comments:
Post a Comment