it was 12.21 AM when I started typing this. I was currently working on an assignment, approx. 250 words (yea yea 250 words sound easy, but seriously, it would just be easier if NOT IN GERMAN).
I already have all these cursing words on the top of my lips. but later on I thought : "You're majoring German Lit. What does a lit student do? Read a lot, write a lot, speak a lot. So who's to blame? No one but YOU, for choosing lit at the first place." so that was all, tried to stop being lil miss grumpy.
but still, only motivation was NOT enough. couldn't find any idea even for the first paragraph, then ended up stumbling upon random blogs. mostly belongs to my friends, the others to fashion bloggers and a friend of my friend, and even someone I don't know at all (that's why I call it random).
those fashion blogs, surely they were all about looks and labels. just something I need to refresh these eyes. the others', mostly I saw daily experiences, personal thoughts, weird stuffs, or any random infos they felt like sharing.
and you know what subject I found like, almost in all blogs?
LOVE, more specific, BROKEN HEARTS.
cliché, but hey, I also have that one phrase in one of my life chapters. so I don't have to feel guilty being so galau or labil, or should I?
you see, people around my age blogged and typed about love life. about someone they had a crush on, how they fell in love each other and started going out together as a real-deal couple, the sweet memories, their anniversaries, then came the bitter parts, and finally... the break-up. the whole pattern just won't change.
now you see mine, I rarely type about love. simply because nothing happens. love department is now totally vacant, no activities, no business, no CEO. it's just... well, nothing describes it better than empty.
sometimes I miss that old sweet feeling, like having butterflies down there in your tummy. (sure I do, don't you think I'll always be that happy-go-lucky person you see. I might be even softer than clouds in my galau times, blah)
but mostly I heard stories like these :
"BT ah, lagi berantem. Cowok gw lagi ngambek."
"Gw sebel apaan tuh dia wall2an sama cewek pake kangen2an, ini daritadi gw BBM aja gak dibales2."
"Duh laper sih, tapi gw gak makan deh. Lagi ngirit, mau nabung beli kado buat cowok gw."
"Aaahh gw kangen cowok gw... Kenapa mesti LDR sih sucks banget ah"
"Gw bosen pengen putus, tapi dianya ngotot gamau. Mesti gw gimanain nih?"
yea those were the devastating side of being in a relationship. but you can't have love without leaving them, it's a package deal.
and I miss the word love, complete with all the side dish and complimentaries.
what I really mean is : I miss having someone who texted and call me every night, someone I could call sayang or babe or what, someone I could miss, someone I could think of, someone to accompany me on my gabut weekends, someone I could take care of.
and I even miss the fights, all those unimportant small fights just because he didn't reply my message, he talked a lot about another girl, he came too late whenever we had an appointment, and so on and so on. sounds total silly, but I can't just pretend that I'm strong and say out loud : "Hey I'm single and don't need any man, never!" no, that's not me. at all.
fine. been so long since the last time I was deeply in love. been not too long since the last time I thought about someone else. and another "someone else", and other one, and other one.
so what am I doing now?
I'm waiting.
most people said : "You've been single since last year, for God's sake. Why should you wait any longer? Now you go grab someone new and say that you love him!"
well, here's my analogy :
imagine you're eating in a fancy French resto. you order a steak, and the waiter asks you to wait. you have to wait soooo very much super long time, but as the steak is done, all the waiting worths it. the chef just needed more time to cook your steak and make it flawless and good.
now you apply it in my case. I make myself believe that the longer I wait, the better man I will get. maybe now he's still on progress, God's still fixing up some things in him. but as soon as he's fixed, he'll come to me on a day I never expected and I'll see him on all his perfection. ta-daahhh, love's in the air again.
got it?
so, if you are single, desperately wants a lover, and you just read this, lemme tell you :
"A perfect lover for you is on the making. All you have to do is being patient. Sit down, relax, and wait until the time comes."
for now, I'll just keep my love for myself, friends, broadcasting life, Manchester United, and also my university life. included my unfinished essay.
SHOOT. SHOOT. SHOOT
No comments:
Post a Comment